12.27.2008 @ 1:03 AM♥

You take really good pictures of him. You must like him very much.
-some interviewer.

It was my first time to be "informally" interviewed with the "life/love issues" I have and had. It was really damn awkward to be on the "hot seat" and being asked by questions that I neither want to answer but it seemed that "no comment" statements were highly discouraged. So I get to answer these realleeee though questions (and still have to smile from time to time so that the interviewer doesn't have to know that I'm getting a little bit pissed).

Anyway, the question above took a huge amount of time-thinking consideration, not knowing that these type of things do really exist. So what if the subject of my frames is highly photogenic? It isn't my fault! *thought suddenly pops in* Oh, it must have something to do with the angles and the light.

Why have I gone to have this interview in the first place anyway?


12.26.2008 @ 12:33 PM♥

If you want me to fall for you, you have to give me something worth tripping over.

Haha. NICE!:D

For the last few hours/days, I've been killing myself with SLEEP. I usually wake up at eleven in the morning, eat something, do something in the internet then go back to sleep. The next time I wake up it's already four or five in the afternoon. Then I find something to eat, watch a little bit of the news then when my eyes get weary, I would sleep on the couch. I again would wake up around nine in the evening to find something else to do.

That's it. I could die. But don't blame me! The weather's really really great and my bed was too welcoming to allow me to sleep on it for at least 15 hours a day.

Anyway, thanks for all those who greeted me with their warm Christmas smiles (though I haven't got to see it, I do know that you are really smiling) haha. That's it, I'm out for now.


12.24.2008 @ 9:07 AM♥

For those who have completed the 9 mornings, congratulations to us! Weeee!

As what I've told Neil last week, I'll be taking a picture of myself as I attend the Misa de Gallo from day one to day nine, so here it is!

Anyhow, I wasn't able to focus much on the word of the day (since I already knew that every year, it would be just the same Gospel reading over and over again). It's either:
- I feel really very sleepy
- my mind's wandering again to some place else
- I sometimes end up staring at the sky (wooot! present ang mga stars for 9 days, it never rained! thank God!) and one time, I saw a shooting star fell down from the sky! weeeee!
- or I am dragged by the church's really huge Christmas tree!

btw, since our place's population is already numerous, some church goers would have to sit on the church's grounds, carrying with them portable chairs (including us) to sit on:)

This morning, I had this funny encounter with some guys who were bothered with the presence of an OWL along the church's periphery. They were saying that there was an owl hiding in one of the PINE TREES. I immediately thought, "wala mang pine tree dito!" so I didn't bother looking for the said owl. :P But later on, I saw it flew from the said "pine tree" towards the church's roof. I think it wasn't an owl, but rather a BAT.

Merreeeeeeee Christmas EVERYONE!:D Enjoy the season!:)


12.21.2008 @ 11:48 AM♥

I remember the times we spent together on those drives. We had a million questions all about our lives. I remember the days we spent together were not enough and it used to feel like dreamin' except we always woke up. Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much. Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up. I need your loving hands to come and pick me up. And every night I miss you I can just look up and know the stars are .holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight.

Never let me hear this song EVER AGAIN if you don't want to see a Danielle Crumb shedding a tear in front of you. I haven't literally lost a loved one (a.k.a. boyfriend) or someone too close to my heart but I know how it feels to be left alone. The feeling really sucks. It's as if you wanted to die right then and there. You'd wish that you never existed. You'd be able to think of thoughts on how to disappear in this world. Your heart, it would feel as if it was so heavy that anytime it could just drop to your stomach. Oh, and another plus, you'd begin to write emo-ish phrases, thoughts and more stupid whatever stuffs.

Anyhow, it does hurt a lot. Remembering the memory of me going through that phase in my life makes me want to cry all over again. I may have gotten over the incident, the memories but the being able to recall on how does it feel to be in that position is really hurtful.

I thought he was the one. When with him, I had all the fun and the laughter that I could have. Being together was like we dominated the world, not knowing other people still exists around us. My friends have told me that I was just over infatuated with him but I don't believe them. I mean, who was I then? They were right, I was just over infatuated with him because our relationship was still young. My friends and I even fought real bad. I even ditched my own friends for the reason that I always believe on what he says to me. But then, after all the stupid scenarios, I realized that the joke was on me.

I was right. He was just a lot like his friends.

It was a Friday night and we were suppose to have a date. A small dinner to celebrate an entire week of professionalism but he cancelled it due to some reasons I couldn't understand but I tried to be considerate. However, my bestfriend knew about this and she brought me for a night out between the two of us, to catch up with things.

Hazel: C'mon Tamara, it's Friday and every piece of exam in school is done. It's not because he ditched you for a dinner date doesn't mean that you have to remain sad inside your dormitory.

Tamara: You don't know how it feels. I've been waiting for this dinner date all week and a few minutes away, he'd cancel it just like that. I could really hate him right now.

Hazel: You SHOULD hate him right now. You're pathetic Tam. I'm calling the others and we'll have an all girls night out SLASH reunion!

Tamara: Uhm, you know, I think I might not come...

Hazel: No excuses Tam. Now get ready before you piss me off with, uhm, with that thing you're doing right now.

to be continued...


12.20.2008 @ 6:14 PM♥

It's not always the same.  No it's never the same, if you don't feel it too.  If you meet me half way, if you would meet me half way, it could be the same for you.

Five Mornings had passed and 2 out of 5 were the moments when I woke up just by my self, the others were one, I was awaken by a text message from my cousin that asked me if I would go to hear the mass; two, I received a text message saying that it's still early in the morning and three, my mom knocking on my door because it was already four and I'm not yet awake.  Four more days to come, so I really need a great big luck to wake up before the mass begins.

If anyone heard me, for the past few days since last week, I've been wanting to go to the beach, but I thought that it was impossible for me to find some company so I left the thought behind.  However, last Friday (I guess that was just yesterday), there was a Retreat for the PSALMist at Babak, Samal.

That day was really fun.  It was a chance to unwind and leave the stresses and problems behind.

I arrived at PSALM Center around 6:30 in the morning and around 7:30, we left for Sasa Wharf.  It was cool because it was my first time to ride a Barge and not those little boats heading for Paradise Island nor those Wind and Wave boats that leads you to Talicod.  Morning was so breezy and it was so freaking COLD.  All of us where wearing our Jackets and Hoods on but our lower bodies were all in shorts and slippers.  It was already noon when the cold wind disappeared but it was still a bit cloudy and cool.  One in the afternoon appeared to be like 4 in the afternoon already.

I had fun and I know others had too.  I've met new friends from different schools.  We played games which in the end, we realized that it was at all dangerous so I ended up with scratches on my right leg due to incident that I stumbled at the sand with several people falling ON me.  Anyway, I didn't notice the bleeding, so I still continued to play when later on, I realized that the grains of sand on my legs turned a bit orange-ish that's when I found out that I had bruises already.


Boy meets girl.  They fall in love.  They live happily ever after.

For those who have fell in and out of love, we all wished that being intoxicated by the said feeling would be as simple as the equation: boy + girl = love^forever.  But we then realize that it's hardly anything nearer.  I know this for the fact that I've fallen in love with the guy whom I thought was my lovely Prince Charming. But in a real world, he is just a guy with a body, a brain, and a testes that produced multiple sperm cell at a time.  Hi. My name is Tamara and welcome to my cruel world of love.

to be continued...


12.18.2008 @ 6:32 PM♥

I tried to read between the lines, I tried to look in your eyes. I want a simple explanation for what I'm feeling inside. I gotta find a way out, maybe there's a way out. Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer, do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder.
When was the last time I cried and smiled at the same time, for real? Who knows?! Even I couldn't remember.

Last Monday, between the times of 10 am till 3 pm, I was ranting to myself on how life is so boring! I tried to contact the usual people that I hang out with but they were all in school and I am not that extravagant enough to go all the way to the campus just to have someone to talk to. So, I settled at home, watched some TV, and eventually fell asleep in front of the screen. Good thing, night came and all of my favorite TV shows were up! (The Suite Life of Zac and Cody, Wizards of Waverly Place, and more Disney Shows!)

Mother nature must have heard (and maybe got insulted on how I rated my boredom was) decided to give me a huge lesson on how I should value my nothing-to-do hours. So, it was up from Tuesday Afternoon till Wednesday morning! Last Tuesday, between 1 and 3 in the afternoon, I had to move from one place to another just to find gifts for my beloved dears, and by 3, I was suppose to fetch King from his tutor thing! After that, I had to wrap the gifts I bought and bring it to Yuri's house before five. I got home at 7:30, ate my dinner then my disney shows were up and later on, the only thing I wanted to do was sleep.

Wednesday, 10 am, my inbox were filled with messages coming only from two persons: Mon and Wilson. Mon told me to be ready in 40 minutes. Worst of this was that I haven't wrapped the gift for my psychological husband, I haven't took a bath and ate anything yet! Mon and I had to go to SM to buy the shuttlecock for their badminton game and be at Taps in MTS before the heads of our coursemates there go crazy. It was past twelve noon when we moved out of MTS. Also, I had to be at SM by one, so the guys dropped me off at Quirino, not knowing where to go! So there goes July, lost in the City PART ONE of the day. The second part was getting lost under the street sign which says Monteverde. Ain't my day, uhm, FUN?!

So there, lesson learned: never argue on how boring life is. :D

My night couldn't get any better. For the first time in I-don't-kn0w-how-long, I've cried, smiled and LAUGHED, all at the same time. You wanna know why?

THANK YOU MUCH! Like what I've said, I'll take care of you-know-what. The angel has been with 'it' all the time. Since you were not with me when I 'discovered' (it did took me a few more minutes that realize there was something 'more' inside), here's my reaction, JUST FOR YOU!

feat. allow access

12.16.2008 @ 8:50 PM♥

When you think your life is a wastebasket full of shit, knowing that you're not alone with that kind of disgust, makes you feel a little bit better, right? Life has its own twists and turns, it is just that only 'luck' could make it a bit better for someone who feels like dying from the overly-acted traumatic experiences he/she experienced. However, despite the kill-me-now-or-I-can't-stand-this-thing-anymore moments, we are still alive and are continuing to fight for the future evil plans that life prepares.

Allow access -- what could this be?

"so... love nanimo xa?!"
The meaning for the word 'LOVE' is highly subjective. Its meaning and its significance depends on the person who is experiencing this phenomenon. Some say being in love is a highly amiable feeling. You feel happiness to its extreme levels. You feel satisfied with every moment that passes you by. You are inspired with all the things that you do. When your partner is around, you feel very ecstatic. But haven't you noticed, these experiences and definitions of love has been self-centered all the time for these concerns only with the feelings that YOU feel. All the time, it has been all about what you feel and what makes you satisfied. Remember, that in love, this would involve two people--again, to note: THERE ARE TWO OF YOU!

But, if love is about thinking first the considerations of your partner before you settle your choices...
if love is about supporting your partner's decisions even if it objects your own contentment...
if love is about being happy when he/she is happy...
if love is about crying with him/her when he/she is in sorrow...
if love means having to wait for him/her to be ready for love...
then, YES, I could say that love nako xa!

anterograde amnesia

12.14.2008 @ 6:42 PM♥

I wish I had Anterograde Amnesia (a.k.a. Goldfield Syndrome) so people would have to care. Nineteen years, five months, and thirteen days ago, I WAS CRYING. I have lots of thoughts in mind to write about, but my mind is still clouded. My heart -- it's literally aching. I hope these would stop. I hope I had Anterograde Amnesia T_T.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that I am.


12.13.2008 @ 2:51 PM♥

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
You knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said

Marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talk to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just yes

"I now allow you to hurt me over and over again, if that's the best thing to do. I'd want to love you, then hurt me, love you again, then hurt me again until my heart would feel numb and I'd feel it's as if I've never loved you at all."

Emo moments -- I love having these times in some portions of my life (but not always) because it makes me realize of the things that I really want in life. It's Christmas break and I've been thinking a lot about stuffs for the past few hours (and not thinking about my outline would really kill me by Monday). Right now, my mind is so clouded with thoughts, feelings of happiness, sorrows and confusions. My hands are trembling at this very moment as I am typing this sentence. My stomache, it lurches up and down everytime I hear this melody, I just wanted to cry my heart out but I couldn't (because mom is just outside my window and she might wonder on what's happening in my room) and also, I am still having problems in breathing so if I cry, I might end up having a panic attack -- swear, I don't want to go back to the hospital again, that place sucks.

Not so long ago, I've decided to let my self free and venture into the wild on my own. I promised myself to take all the opportunities and the risks that I have to encounter and in the end, I don't have to regret with whatever choice that I would choose. (Now, even if the song has changed to the tune of the Lion Sleeps Tonight by N'sync, my hands are still trembling).


11:38 AM♥

Though it isn't New Year yet, I would like to make a resolution with my self (and my blog), to write my posts in English from now on (December 13, 2008). Non-compliance with this said agreement would have to result in allowing public access to my private blog ( with no deletions of any blog posts that were posted there since June of 2008. With these, so help me God.

This is it, I'm dead meat T_T. But I do promise to be my best in everything I write here (kidding). Reviews, stories, blind items, updates, or whatever stuff you might want to read, I'll be posting it up for the next few days but please, promise me that whatever stuff that you may have read in this little web page of mine, it'll only be a secret between you and me. Can I trust you with that? Thanks.


12.10.2008 @ 11:49 AM♥

I have around an hour left inside this coldness chamber before I get to feel warmth again and I have 13:35 internet hours to spend, sponsored by Mon's account.

Finally. BIO 150 exam is done and just hours ago I got through CHEM 160's first long exam.

BIO 150 -- waaaaa! it was such a long exam. Nabawasan ng 1cm ang aking G-tech sa kakasulat.haha:) I think the goal for that exam was to fill our bluebooks with words.haha:) CHEM 160 -- I had to repeat my entire solution for the last problem kay feeling ko there was something wrong with my calculator.haha:) Everytime I input a series of regression values, the results were always different. Haha:)

Shucks.It's getting colder here in Kiosk. Bakit nga uli ako nandito? Hmmm.

gifts and curses

12.06.2008 @ 9:21 AM♥

Note: Lyrics were modified to fit the user. haha:P

(He is the one) but I have a purpose
(He is the one) but I have to fight this
(He is the one) the villain I can't knock down

I see your face with every punch I take,
and every bone I break, it's all for you.
And my worst pains are words I cannot say,
still I will always fight on for you.

Is this really for him? Haha. I, too, can't figure it out. :P I was cleaning my room this morning, got my speakers and played it on a FULL VOLUME (para may kalingawan din ung mga carpintero sa baba.haha). Anyways, the song "Gifts and Curses" by Yellowcard were played and as I sang to its tune, I remembered this young little (aw.mas tall pa diay siya sa ako) fellow who made me feel like a lady just a few nights ago.

Before we were formally introduced to one another (actually, wala mi na-introduce, nag-storyahanay na mi diretso haha), I already knew him but not his exact name. Anyway, I was fooling around one night and as I blurted a phrase (which was suppose to be funny), he was the only one who laughed REAL HARD, and I was like wondering if the thing I said was really that funny, and he didn't stop laughing for almost a minute. (okay, okay na, funny na ung sinabi ko, gets ko na!) haha:) Pero cute man.haha:D

Anyway, there. I got to bond with him a few weeks later, then we were walking along, uhm somewhere, we both kept on talking and babbling but it seemed that every word I say, he kept on laughing (naisip ko tuloy, mukha ba akong clown? ba't ka tawa ng tawa sa mga sinasabi ko?)

That's it. That what makes me 'aliw' to him. He keeps on laughing on every thing I say (well, not totally everything kay mag-mukha na kaming tanga niyan). Plus, there's a very BIG BIG PLUS! He's a very gentle man. Literally! In words and in actions. That's why everytime I am with him, I feel like a princess. CHAR. And for once, matatahimik si July because if I again start talking, both of us would be laughing our heads off. :P

Sino siya?
OO, ganito siya ka-SECRET. haha:) I won't tell you who this guy is. :P

story of creation

12.05.2008 @ 9:47 AM♥

Two nights ago, Aidz and I had this conversation through YM about our struggles in Genetics. We came up with a conclusion that we hope, Adam and Eve never ate the apple given by the serpent so that man's curiosity would have never existed. Then, we would just have to believe that God created the earth in 6 days and on the 7th he rested. That we'd all believe that we are all created through his own image and likeness, that each one of us is unique! Then, WE DON'T HAVE TO STUDY GENETICS and understand the underlying principle on why we look so similar with our parents and different from other people.

Genes -- they are so small, highly irritating and yet significantly important. KILL ME, QUICK!

Anyway, the exam was a little bit fine, just a little bit but it did give me a real damn headache afterards. haha:) Thanks to Joss for treating me a bottle of Pop. Weee.thanks cuz!

12.03.2008 @ 4:10 AM♥

I think it was ages ago that I created my facebook account. I couldn't even remember why I made one. Anyhow, I'm loving my facebook account than my fs's because in fb, most of my friends (as in 95% of them) are all my addu batchmates (weeeee! cyber reunion?haha) -- kumpleto from Nursery up to 4th year.haha!, then the 5% remaining were for my UP friends. :P

A few minutes ago (and even some days ago), there's this little interface at the bottom right of the page that suggests some people whom you might know and everytime I click and click my way on that small little 'happiness' box, I usually end up like, OMG, it's him! I haven't seen him since grade one" or "hala, is this her? she's much prettier na way back in first year" haha. see!? it's so maka-happy.haha:)

Well..kapoy kasi ligpit ng room and it's 4:23 in the morning.haha:) Nakatulog ako last night (kasi masarap ang weather..weee! rainy days! wee!:)
wag lang sana umulan pag morning dahil mahirap pumunta ng school.haha:P


dying to die

12.02.2008 @ 6:41 PM♥

Whatever happened this afternoon was really a very USEFUL and HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT thing. While waiting for BIO 30 to start, Maria and I had this plan of asking our Genetics Professor to move our lecture exam because the terminologies, concepts and applications in our lesson was too many to comprehend in a short amount of time. I, on the other hand, agrees much with them for I have to deal with my thesis outline and be finish with it supposedly this Tuesday night. But, a night before (that's Monday) I found around 9 sets of DNA sequences of Glossogobius, my species of interest, in a Japanese website genome collection. I wanted to consult either Ma'am Ching or Sir Bastian before I proceed in finalizing my paper.

My class ended at 1 pm and I waited for Sir Bastian to finish his class at around 4 pm that afternoon. So, while waiting for 4 pm to finally arrive, I stayed in the library for almost three hours and studied Genetics (talk about a highly productive afternoon!)

So, 4 o'clock came and I was standing outside Sir Bastian's lab when the girl inside told me to come in. However, when I proceeded to his room, he was talking with Ate Annette and Sir Mantiquilla but after a minute, he decided to accommodate me.

There, I told him about my newly discovered sequences and he, too, was really happy enough to find out that they were actually from the actual species of my interest. So, after scrutinizing my paper, he told me that I should shift my methods from the PCR-based microsatellite method to cytochrome b gene isolation.

And shucks. mabuang na jud ko! this is the 3rd time that my outline was revised.

And seriously, I am dying to die. T_T

Sir Mantiquilla: Ah, yan ang thesis mo? So ma-aaply mo pala ang mga lessons natin sa genetics diyan?

haha:) oo mo lang sir, apply na apply!haha:)

Proof: Before, I used to write "the physical traits of..." but now, it become "the phenotypic traits of..."

oh dba, char?haha:D


12.01.2008 @ 11:36 PM♥

ug nganong nang-distorbo ug life. tsk tsk tsk.

the tonight song by fm static was a story pala of the girl being dead? tsk tsk. i felt really really sad while listening to the song. product?! it's up there!
July C.
UP Biology Student
soon to be a doctor
happy in ♥

find me on:
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Confessions V.1 || this is not supposed to be this awkward :| || The One That Got Away Source: The Manila Times By:... || WOAH! || It's a little sad that he couldn't remember what h... || iloilo :( || may secret ako... || it's better || Medskul *round 1* || because I want this :) ||

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