Unhappy

4.25.2009 @ 8:59 PM♥

I just realized that it's also healthy to get mad sometimes. For the past few hours, I ended up wrestling with my pillows. I have punched them several times until I get really tired. I tried to cry but then, I realized that wrestling is a way better option :D But now, I could feel my heart burn :( It really hurts and I'm still wondering why I can't explain the reason for such T_T

Haaaaaiiii... I never knew what happened to us. If only the world could give us a chance to talk about it in the future, I am very willing! I may not anymore feel anything "special" for you right now thus I guess it'll be okay to open up the things we never closed and then patch them up again.






I know that you now love her and I don't give a damn about it. You're happy with her, and that's all I need to see. You've loved me before and it was really one of the feelings that I would never want to forget. It was so "magical" as what you have put it. But I have let it go now and I know that you did too. Things between us were very uncertain but at least, you assured me even if we were not bound by a certain string of commitment. Thank you so much for everything. I appreciate it a lot! :)

just 10

12:12 AM♥

I have been haunted by things that I thought wouldn't haunt me for a moment!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

FOR THIS TIME ONLY, I WANT TO POUND MY KEYBOARD!!! Pero di pwede, masisira ang laptop T_T Okay sana kung PC ka, pero HINDI!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

(I just threw both of my cellphones on the other side of the bed! I can't throw it on the floor, baka masira T_T ).

Okay, before I start ranting again, I'd bring you 10 little somethings that concerns me on this thing they call LOVE.

1. I can sleep even if I am broken-hearted and no, I don't cry myself to sleep. I just sleep. I hate thinking about the bad things that happen in my love life. It's bad and thinking more about it just makes it really worse.

2. I can do my lab reports, thesis, etc. even if I am broken-hearted. I am more motivated when I am clouded with the feeling (unlike others who become more and more messy as the feeling overcomes them). I do better in class and I get good grades. I think it's because I would want my mind to be clouded by non-love related things to make me feel better.

3. I don't like listening to other people's lovelife's misery because first of all, it's not my business to be part of your messy life and second, I don't want your bad vibes to hover me for a moment. It might stay there forever and that would really suck.

4. I hate implied messages. If you love me, then tell me and show it. If you only want to treat me as your friend, then say that straight to my face. I don't want to end up looking stupid. I've had enough humiliation already.

5. I hate telling my heartaches to anybody. It's either I cry it out or I pray. These are the only things that can make me feel better. I don't find the words of a friend comforting because sometimes it just makes things worse than before.

6. I highly discourage courtships coz it only shows the "good side" of the guy. If I would love a person, I would want to know the two sides of him. At least I won't regret something in the future.

7. I am a sucker for chocolates and letters. You just don't know how happy I become if you give me one. Don't give me flowers, I would just throw it away in a garbage bin on the way home.

8. If you promise something to me, please do fulfill it. I would really expect something if you say the words "I promise". But if you broke your promise, I'd really be upset and perhaps won't be talking to you for the next few weeks and I literally mean, WEEKS.

9. You'll know if I'm heartbroken if I don't smile often. Yes, I can still smile and laugh even if I am tired and sleepy but it's hard for me to smile if I'm heartbroken. And oh, I would also lay-off to songs when I am heartbroken. Sometimes the lyrics are just too direct to the point.

10. Lastly, if I'm heartbroken, I could spend a day or two playing the PS2, I wouldn't turn on my laptop nor the TV. Only the PS2.

Freud must really re-instate his theory:

Cameron: According to Freud, and I’m paraphrasing, instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a person feels they can’t control the object or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it. Like an eighth-grade boy punching a girl.

House: I treat you like garbage, so I must really like you. Given your Freudian theory, what does it mean if I start being nice to you?

Cameron: That you’re getting in touch with your feelings.


and the reason why I threw my phone? I don't know. But I feel very bad at this moment T_T. And no, I won't cry myself to sleep. I hope.

butterflies

4.20.2009 @ 1:49 AM♥

...in my stomach!


Gggaaaaaaaaaahhhhdddd! MAKE IT STOP!!! I don't want to answer any further questions about unclear issues and stuff. Please??? Nakakapagod ma-shock every now and then.

Money in Blogs

4.17.2009 @ 11:22 PM♥

It's summertime once again and getting a chance to scam money from our dear parents is seriously hard. Since I am relatively mature for my age, I have decided to scavenge through internet for things that could help me earn money MORE while my mind isn't busy about academic-related stuff. After coming across a certain blog, I found the website PayingPost.Com – a Blog advertising network where Bloggers are get Paid to Blog.

In Paying Post you can write anything you desire under the sun. You choose your own type of “opportunities” to write about. It can range from creating reviews from the hottest movies as of the moment or to personal issues that you’d want to share. An example entry would be about the facts on personal safety.

To be able to be a part of this community, all you have to do is to have the following main requirements: a blog (duh?!) and make sure it’s a friendly one, and a PayPal account (for Paying Post to be able to send you your paycheck).

See it’s so easy and simple. So if you have want to earn money in an easy way and if you have a talent in blogging, specifically for advertising and product review purposes, come and join PayingPost.Com by registering here and let the world know that have a talent in writing and advertising! And don’t forget the catch which is that you get paid for blogging your heart and mind out. To know more about this, please go to PayingPost.Com, for further details and information.

Lost Innocence

4.15.2009 @ 10:32 AM♥

I found this out while reading the book Kevin gave me and it's something really worth reading :D

The two electric wires hummed along at their work. They knew they had very important jobs.

The two of them spent their lives in a happy attraction to each other. In the afternoons and evenings they died for a chance to just touch one another. When their attraction was too great, they asked the sparrows to jump from one wire to another, and take along a kiss or an embrace.

On Friday nights at about eight, an old crow always came and passed the time with the wires. He lived in the neighborhood even before the wires had been hung on the electricity pole. The two of them told him of their great longing and attraction, but they kept being 50 centimeters apart.

He told them, "It is a great gift to be attracted to one another, especially if you are electric wires. You see each other daily and can express your every need to each other. But the two of you are too similar to be joined to one another. If that should happen, then you will lose all your mutual attraction and none of your wishes will ever come true."

The two of them, however, believed in another truth. But the crow tried to persuade them that fulfillment was not the solution of attraction. "Both of you will just melt. And when you are well again, you will remain wires, but without attraction."

But the two wires did not believe the crow's words and the tension between them became more intense.

Then one day there was a big storm. The wind lifted up a dry branch and tossed it around the air. Then losing interest, it dropped the rain-soaked branch and it fell across the two electric wires. There was a big blue flash as the wires short-circuited.

For hours, the wires hung lifeless, and slept alongside one another. In their greatest moment, they were not able to speak a single word to one another.

After they regained their health, they never spoke to one another again. There was no longer any attraction or longing they could talk about.

by Willi Hoffseummer

***Learned something? :D

truth

4.14.2009 @ 1:05 AM♥

How come people likes wanting to know the truth? And when they finally do, they'd wish that they should never have known. That's why telling the truth is hard even if you know that's what people want 'coz we're afraid, not about the truth setting us free (duh!), but the truth BREAKING us free. That's why, after we hear what we think we want to hear, we come out good and broken. But of course, this is not applicable in all cases. Good thing it doesn't.

korean, italian then japanese..what's next?

4.12.2009 @ 12:59 AM♥

This morning, as I was trying to find a picture of a Japanese Spitz, I came across this really cute picture of a puppy. As I was admiring its beauty, I noticed a familiar word from its URL so I decided to check the entire page that you may find the picture. Oh yeah, to my surprise, this what has welcomed me:

(click for a larger view)

Awwww. Ain't Wilson (the dog) CUTE?! Haha. And also, take note of Wilson's description:

Wilson loves children, playing, eating, and recharging his batteries with multiple power naps.
(haha.baboi jud.ahehe)


Our puppy gets much exercise in and around our house, but he falls asleep within moments of chasing a favorite toy.
(basketball??? ahehehe)


He gets no shortage of attention.
(of course!)


This Japanese Spitz scouts out favorite patches of snow to rest on and taste with an ever-busy chewing habit.
(yeah! eating time! haha)


Find a half-propped leaf and our white pup will have it in his mouth long enough until another leaf blows nearby.

Yes, the snow is melting, but so are the hearts of anyone that spends time with Wilson.

Believe it, or not! Haha. I really love the last line. :P Hello Spring, or should I say, SUMMER!

Full article here:
http://www.dailypuppy.com/puppies/wilson-the-japanese-spitz_2008-04-01

Remember the last time? I mentioned about things changing. Priorities, needs, wants, wishes, they all change from time to time depending on the circumstances that you would be on. I know a lot has change but I am happy that at least for now, things are still running smoothly. Though rough roads are encountered at times, I'm really glad to say that I have reached my stops still in a very composed manner. I admit that having "this thing" around me makes me feel very fine. I've become a better and stronger person, not only for myself but also for the persons involved as well. I would like to express my deepest gratitude to destiny for having created such a wonderful sketch plan of my life. I MAY not like the outcome in the future or I could love it even more, but what matters is today and that I am enjoying every moment of it. I swear! I just hope that you'll remember today as the day where everything had started--the day wherein our lives were laid down on a single platter and then it was destined to go a long, long way.

of dreams and nightmares

4.09.2009 @ 10:21 PM♥

I've always loved to sleep. In fact, I've been craving to sleep for more than 4 hours each night since January of this year and it really felt good when I was able to do so since April started. At first, I have been dealing with the headaches that I get for oversleeping each day. I've also given up eating breakfast each morning since I already wake up at eleven in the morning as its earliest :) And I thought my next problem would be skipping lunch because for the past two mornings, I started waking up at one or two in the afternoon already!


However, missing my lunch wasn't the next problem that I thought I should be dealing with but sweet dreams turning into NIGHTMARES!

Last summer, I dreamt of getting married. What's wrong with it was that as I was walking down the aisle, I encountered the person whom I love along the way and he told me, "good luck!" What the hell was that? I know that dreams aren't literal but why was I getting married to the wrong person? The person at the end of the line wasn't the man whom I wanted to my husband-to-be. Anyway, after that dream, I don't think I'd still want to get marry someday. Haha! Kidding!


So last night, I slept and my dream was that me and some of my friends were task to do a special project which required us to be flown to another "magical" place (e.g. the MOON--yah, I know. weird). I sat beside my friend inside the "magical flying vehicle" a.k.a. airplane. During the trip, this was what our conversation was about:

me: I'm getting sleepy. I'll sleep muna ha?
him: oo, pero wait, sa 10 ha? or 11 ba un?
me: huh?
him: iyong sagot mo.
me: ay oo! hala sorry! i forgot! makalimutin baya ako sa mga dates. wait i'll get my calendar (na nasa phone and he got his phone to check the calendar also)
him: ay, 14 pala.
me: hmmm..sa 14. okay, okay. Ay, ano nga ang mangyayari sa 14?
him: iyong sagot mo nga.
me: oo nga! sabi ko nga, dba?

*he took something out of his pocket*

him: dalahin mo ito ha.

I held it on the palm of my hands and I noticed that it was glittering. It was glittering in blue and silver. It was really beautiful! Anyway, the conversation was about him asking me to be his girlfriend. After that, I woke up and I was a little bit upset, maybe because of two probable reasons: one, dreams usually means the opposite of reality (so maybe he'll never ask me that question in real life) or two, he might ask me but will I be happy about it? I want to be happy and I know I'd be really happy if it does come true. I know I'd be very happy even if it would take us a longer time to get there.

I've been wanting a necklace with this pendant on since I saw it on JP's (from the Another Cinderella Story movie) neck. And guess what? This was the blue and silver glittery thing that he gave to me in my dream. Weird huh?

i can see it in the stars across the sky

4.08.2009 @ 1:16 AM♥

To even things out, I have finally listed down the top five things that made my 2nd semester SUPERB! Here it goes:

Field Trips
I am a type of person who highly discourages of going to the same place more than ONCE. So as much as possible, I'd be thrilled to visit places that I haven't visited before. Thus the Sigaboy field trip was really a good place for me since I haven't been around that particular area in Mindanao since I couldn't remember when. Haha. However, though the venues of the MST6 field trip were places that I have visited before, I still had fun kahit papano (haha! joke). The Philippine Eagle Foundation (PEF) had been renovated so somewhat it's something "new" for me. So chox pa rin. But as for the Samal Trip (pero Talicod Island gud siya), Dayang Beach Resort has been so far the most clean resort that I've ever found in the periphery of IGACOS! The only problem is of their deficiency with their water resource (1 gallon = 15 pesos!) but somewhat it's a good thing for ux though, at least we get to realize how important water in our life is.

Food Trips
Yeah, yeah. I know. I gained weight for this semester. So what!? At least I enjoyed the food that I ate. Haha. For this semester, I couldn't remember on how many times I've ditched my outline, exams and other school works in exchange for food and energy. :) And of course, thanks to my ever faithful and loyal partner-in-crime during food trips: PERVERT! Haha. Jollibee's Black Forest Sundae, one whole lechon manok, and McDonald's McFlurry (of course) to name a few were one of the delights that I could really recall. A night before the 2nd BIO 150 Lec long exam, both of us ended wandering around the Food Expo at NCCC Mall Davao looking for some other stalls that would offer free food! Ang result, 97/100 sa Exam! Oh dba? Effective! Haha.
at NCCC Mall of Davao, Food Expo

Deviance Day and Kasadya
What was I wearing? A sleeveless trench coat! It turned out that a heavy rain poured down that afternoon thus the trench coat turned out to be somewhat useless for it never gave me warmth. Tsk tsk. That afternoon, I also remembered that I had a sore throat but still, I managed to cheer for Neil and Jesse's POI fire dance thing and ended up with a voiceless July until the next day. Oh, btw, the next day, I had a bad headache and fever and I ended up in the hospital that night (wherein I saw Dr. Abad's family looking for someone in the ICU). Good thing, I turned out to be fine and still was able to attend the Kasadya the next day. Anyway, I had fun during those times especially on how my day ended after the Kasadya event *wink* haha. I was really able to say "HAPPY CHRISTMAS!"
the useless sleeveless trench coat. haha.

Single Awareness Day

It's my first time to celebrate the Single Awareness Day na officially, SINGLE AKO. Haha. For the past two years it was either I was in a relationship, secretly, or I couldn't figure out if I was still in a relationship or not. Either way, both status doesn't define me of being single. Haha. So this was the first. It was, uhm, fun? Haha. At 12 midnight of Feb 14, everyone in Mon's house were screaming, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! But I was a bit sleepy pero sige lang, happy man ako nun, SUPER! :D

Outline Approval
After the horrifying defense and all the things that went through that defense day, looking at your panelists and advisers signing your approval form thingy was perhaps the happiest academic day of my stay during the semester! It felt really great that finally, after months of hardwork for a 29-page outline has finally made its way to be acted upon in the future. If I cried (a little bit) a few minutes before my defense, maybe (if I really didn't care about what other people think) I could have cried harder, but of course because of happiness, after my defense. As I went out of the room, I couldn't remember on how many handshakes I got from people who were out there but I do remember Sir Obsioma approached me to say congratulations and asked me how I felt but eventually, he found me speechless during the whole time. Haha.
super happy noh? haha.


So there, before I'd end this post, I would like to share a line that best defines a particular Secret Society which unfortunately I do not know which one (but I'm so proud because according to that silly quiz, I should belong to the Free Masonry! Haha. Oh dba? Timing masyado! I should belong daw oh! Haha!) Anyway, here it is:
I'm not here to piss anyone off. I just want to have a good time.

XOXO

GA 5x19

4.05.2009 @ 9:27 PM♥

I'd offer both of my hands down for the writer of Grey's Anatomy!

On Elevator Love:

Dr. Derek Sheperd to Dr. Meredith Grey:
If there's a crisis, you don't freeze, you move forward. You took the rest of us to move forward because you've seen worse, you survived worse, and you knew we'll survive too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are. I'm not gonna get down on one knee. I'm not gonna ask you the question. I love you Meredith Grey and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

waaaa. Lord, sana may ganito rin ako (but not now of course.haha).

and one more:
Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home. It changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up but maybe that's the point, all the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up.

worst ones

4.04.2009 @ 9:43 PM♥

As I have promised myself, I'd be writing posts that would summarize this semester's life. First one would be the top worse things that happened to me. Haha. Humanda kayo, baka kasama kayo dito! haha. JOKE:P

The You-know-what
This semester, history repeated itself but not totally in a hundred percent way (kay dili man _________________). At first, I thought I wouldn't be able to survive what's gonna happen next but after a while, I realized that I shouldn't be feeling the feeling that I felt during those times because I wasn't in the right position to do so. So I kept my role as whom I should be and it turned out to be okay after all. [Wala mo nakasabot noh? haha]

Biochemistry
Gawd. This was the first time that I experienced to pray to all the gods ever recognized by man to help me pass CHEM 160. I had a 'relatively' good grade during my first long exam but my 2nd long exam was a HUGE MESS!. I even remembered Ma'am Jen asking me on what happened (the 2nd LE happened during my most insane week for this semester: Joie's Debut, outline defense then the 2nd long, all in four days! I haven't got enough sleep during those days so most probably, no proper information has entered into my brain during those nights, and seriously Carbohydrate metabolism has the most number of pathways to memorize in the entire course.)

Anyway, I passed my 3rd long but it wasn't enough to pull my 2nd long (the average was 59.8). After four long exams, I only have to get 40% to pass the entire course so there, I ended up almost not sleeping the night before the final exam. I was studying from 2 in the afternoon until 2 in the morning the next day. I decided to sleep until 5 something. When I woke up, just a few minutes later, Neil sent me a text message asking if I could call him by 6 am because he's just going to sleep and he might not wake up early. Woah?! Crazy people! Yes, we did all the crazy things just to pass Biochem. And oh Sh*T, I can't believe I just talked about my academics here.

Health
I think I have a serious health problem going on. From time to time, I'd get a cold and it would usually end up giving me bronchitis that would last for 2-3 weeks. I couldn't eat anything too sweet or too cold coz it'll just worsen things up. I wasn't able to eat ice cream for 3 months (go ask Wilson, he's a witness to my first McFlurry in months!).

This semester, I also experienced waking up in the morning just to realize that my body couldn't stand up no matter how hard I try. If I could, I'd only end up falling down back on my bed and my head hurt like HELL. Then the entire day, I was bed-ridden with a fever that never got down until night time.

I again had a flu a week before finals and it was really annoying! It was hard to study with a runny nose and even harder to sleep with a clogged nose. I again got a fever (after I drained myself to some strenuous body exercises) and a couple of muscle cramps! And before my last exam, I again got a flu. Talk about body resistance. Tsk tsk.

Issues
This semester, I know that I behaved more properly than before. I talk less and listen more. I do not judge people on the basis of what I observe. I share my opinion only when I think it's proper. I am avoiding on going to "get-togethers" so that I won't be able to judge people during their craziest moments. But still, no matter how silent I'd try to become, some people wouldn't stop on bringing me into their lives and adding me as a conflict. I had been very busy with my outline and other stuff. I did not anymore pay attention to mistakes that have been repeatedly being done right infront of my face, it was just making me feel very stupid. I payed more attention to people who also cares but then again, there's really something wrong with the world. There's even this one issue that I didn't know on how I gotten myself into but now (I think) it was forgotten but I'm still confused if I should've explained myself. I never got to explain myself most of the time. They've never given me the chance. And I have a feeling that after being able to post this, I'd be getting myself into a bigger troule because some people might think that I am referring to them in this portion of this post. But this time, I really wouldn't mind anymore since I know, this time, I could totally blame myself for getting myself into this mess.

OUTLINE
This one rocked my semester, BIG TIME. Not only that I have to follow the deadlines given to me by Ma'am Ching, NSM 192 has also been pressuring us (me, Daniel and Marianne) to finish our outlines on an earlier date as possible. While writing my outline, I was able to experience sitting infront of my laptop for 9 straight hours and the only programs opened were Adobe Reader and Microsoft Word (and sometimes, Mozilla Firefox). Anyway, for those who haven't done their outline yet, you'll know what I mean in the future. Haha. Welcome to my world!

twins?

4.03.2009 @ 11:44 PM♥

Life's little coincidences:

...and you gotta love it.

=)

rewind

4.01.2009 @ 7:29 PM♥

This picture was taken from one of my best summer trips last year. I grabbed this from Lyle (si Buddy!) and cropped the part which makes me smile and laugh. :D

As if naman napaka-close na naming lima nito. Haha. We never got to bond with one another until that night. And oh, btw, spot Hawksbill!

where?

12:47 AM♥

Isla Resort, Babak, Samal
December 18, 2008

I remembered, it was Kuya Rio's surprise birthday party. We were all planning (and cramming) on the 3rd floor of that Chinese apartment building at Guerrero St. when all of our chats and actions stopped at the sound of the doorbell directly connected to the Center's unit. Someone went out to the balcony and checked who it was, got back inside the unit, took the key from its hanging place and again went out to the balcony and threw the key to whoever it was who rang the bell.

A minute had passed, some person (the entire center was very crowded so I couldn't really rember who was doing what) received a text message. It came from the same person who asked for the key a minute ago. The text message said: naputol ni RJ ang susi ng gate!

The name pa lang, RJ, caught my attention. Oooh. may Psalmist pala na RJ ang name? Maybe he's someone new. Anyway, we were all shocked with the drastic news about the key but we ended up laughing about it. So there, the door opened, then a girl entered screaming the words, "Kuya Bong, nasira ni RJ ang susi ng gate!" Then a guy who was in a state of shock (pero naka-smile pa rin) followed her inside. This guy held a key on one of his hands and all the time, he was very speechless (but still smiling).

Anyway, in the middle of the chaotic planning, I saw him again but this time, he was coming near me and offering a hand.

RJ: hello!
Me: hello!
RJ: *in a slightly nervous/awkward mode* RJ.
Me: *smiled back* July.
RJ: hello!


And that's how we became friends. Salamat sa grand entrance niya sa pagkakabali nung susi. Haha. And the next day, I saw him again during the Art workshop thingy of Psalm. We went out of the park together (along with Rap2x and Joy) and had a little chit chat. The next time I saw him was during the Babak, Samal trip. That afternoon, we had a little "kuwentuhan" about microbes kasi ang courses lang namin ang almost related to one another (nursing siya).

I really find him as a very kind person. As in, SUPER KIND. Tas malalaman mo na lang na mawawala siya?! Waaa. Life's unfair! I know. :( I don't know where he is going (kay la man klaro to iyahang reply). Haha. Nyweiz, wherever you are going RJ/Abel, I know, it's God's plan for you. May He keep you safe while your far away from us. Good Luck! GOD BLESS!:D
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July C.
UP Biology Student
soon to be a doctor
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